What does this have to do with my burger?

NOTE: THIS IS A POST WRITTEN BY MY GIRLFRIEND.

For some (yet unknown) reason, people think my dating a Chinese guy is the most interesting thing ever.  I think Sean is the most awesome thing ever.  But we are by far an exceptionally boring couple.  We’re both accountants [Sean's comment: but one is in tax and one is in audit!].  Many Saturdays have been blissfully spent with him watching the Military Channel and me reading something either biographical or about finance/economics.  I love it but it’s not terribly exciting.

I don’t have any issues (surprisingly) with strangers; it’s with my friends that it pops up. 

A direct corollary of this is that I speak (mangle) Mandarin. You would think I tell people that I cured cancer, the way they feel the need to share with everyone.  I’m sorry; I thought this was my life.   I don’t work in an area that my language skills are even interesting, let alone necessary. 

My friend has taken this to an extreme.  I ran into her in the cafeteria downstairs.  I, as usual, ordered my burger.  They, unfortunately, had an Asian Chicken Salad that my friend wanted.  After she ordered it , she told the guys behind the counter that I am Chinese.  Wait, full stop.  See my picture down there?  I’m not CHINESE, I am a proud pasty-American.  My hair is mostly brown with a stray red hair or two.  It is very difficult for me to buy makeup because I am literally too pale for their shades.  No one can confuse me for being Asian [Sean's comment: but some Chinese people have asked me if I am Chinese]. 

Now what do I do? Racial identity/relations are complicated enough.  I don’t want people to think I’m some sort of freak claiming I’m a race that I’m clearly not.   But she cannot stop.  She then tells them that I speak Mandarin.  I do but what in the **fluffy kittens** does that have to do with my burger?  I’m sure these guys want to be discussing my possible racial background at 1 pm on a Tuesday. 

So one of the guys (who I’ve never met before – I eat there all the time. He’s new) asks if my mother or my father is Chinese.  Deer in headlights.  Ummm, my boyfriend?  So new guy (NG) says “Oh so I must be super-Chinese. Because I’ve been married to a Chinese woman for 15 years.”  So we end up having this quick and dirty discussion on China, the freakishly strong Asian genes and which is better: Shanghai or Beijing (he lived in Beijing for 6 months where I guess he met his wife as she is from Beijing).  Just to be sure I would want to crawl into a hole and die as soon as possible[Sean's question: with fluffy kittens?], when he mentioned his two kids (quote “they look 90% Chinese”), my friend commented “oh they are only ½ Chinese.”  Yet my pasty self is 10,000% Chinese.  Ok.  I understand fully now. 

So I need to go back and view pictures of his kids.  While it is cool to have a new faux-Asian friend, this is why I rarely tell people I speak it and only mention my boyfriend’s race when necessary.  – Fries please!  [Sean's comment: no ketchup!]

A day's adventure with my girlfriend

Today, my girlfriend decided she needs to make a Chinese dish called braised short ribs.  So we went to the local farmer's market, which is suppose to be the "world market" to get all the ingredients.  We got the meat, the daikon, the cilantro, the onions, etc.  But we didn't find two of the spices.  There was a little Asian store next to the mega farmer's market.  My girlfriend decided we should try our luck there instead of the farmer's market.  After all, it's not so worldly if it doesn't have CHINESE ingredients (come on, if 1.3+ billion folks use it,  you better have it).  So we walked into this store and the moment we walked it I knew we will have a hard time.  Why?  Because there is no labels on the aisles and it's arranged like any other Asian family stores:  only the owner knows where anything is.  So after 10 minutes into the search and without results, I was getting frustrated.  Even though my girlfriend was dressed in an Asian outfit, no one bothered to come to her assistance.  And as for me, since I am Asian everyone must have assumed that I knew what I was doing.  Then,  I started to hear someone speaking in Mandarin.  I was surprised because most of the clerks spoke Vietnamese.  For a while I was pretty sure I was daydreaming as a result of looking at too many invoices over the week and breathing in tires all day.  Then that person spoke again!  I was like, HELL YEAH!  Naturally, I had my ears up searching for that person.  She kept on speaking one or two words in Chinese and I finally located her.  She's an elderly lady who works at there and I asked her in Chinese if she knew where the spices were.  To our good fortune (which we seldom have with fortune cookies), she knew where everything was!  We walked out of the store feeling happy.  On the way out, my girlfriend spotted a pimping Asian guy.  She told me to guess what kind of car he drives.  He was walking toward two cars that were parked together, one was a Corrolla and one was an Accura.  Which one do you think he drove?

Oh, and we ran into two AMWF couples at the farmer's market.  It's exciting!  We didn't know what to do.   To look or not to look?  That was the question.

Unrelated Bonus for loyal readers:

Girlfriend:"You are so mean to me!  That's not in the Chinese boyfriend manual!"
Me:"Where did you buy it from?  Hong Kong?  It's probably a counterfeit."

Peace!

Qipao and Jade, the two struggles I have in America

My girlfriend is a true Chinese.  How do I know that?  She loves Jade and Qipao.  The problem is, it's difficult to find both in America.  There are places in CA and NY that allow you to find some of them.  But the best are always in China.  It's frustrating to say the least.  Sometimes I want to just fly to HK and get her a piece of a jade.  But that's so expensive!  I wonder why people like diamonds so much.  Jade is much more colorful and more rare than diamonds.  Anyways, just wanted to vent.  Hope everyone had a good day.